You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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