Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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