he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
