I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
