when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i now understand why vodka
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
