I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
