I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
