You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
