She said her name was "party"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?