We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?