I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.