it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
