It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize