I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My vagina is officially offended.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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