Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
