if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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