You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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