hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
