I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
