You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Less talking, more tequila
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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