You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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