is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My vagina is officially offended.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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