I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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