Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
