Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize