the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
