And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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