it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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