My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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