Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My penis needs a shock collar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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