I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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