so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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