I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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