You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Where is the hickey?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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