before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
