if only i could text you this smell
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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