btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize