No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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