So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
