I'm gonna have a badass scar
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Be still, my beating vagina.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
