What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
