I am full of burrito and curiosity
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
