why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
