Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
