my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
