1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you win again, gameday.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
