theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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