If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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