he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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