Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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