Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
