he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
