we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
