wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
