I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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