Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
