Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
