It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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