I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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