We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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